My Crisis of Faith
We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God shaking them. ~Charles West
For the past two weeks I’ve been having a huge crisis of faith - about my life, my future, my truth and more. It’s not my first crisis of faith - but it surely has been one of the most unsettling. Just as I thought I was on my Path with Purpose - focusing on creating the Unstoppable U Foundation to help others transform trauma into personal power - Doubt hit me right upside the head.
The doubt had a bit of help. In the course of a single day three experienced non-profit people told me why I couldn’t possibly create or fund Unstoppable U, due to liability insurance, D&O coverage and the need for a recognized mental health specialist as the lead of the program. My Unstoppable U project was also turned down by Kickstarter (I now understand how to get it approved so back we go). On top of all that, I received some stunning (in a knock you down way) personal financial news. All within 12 hours.
I admit it… I went straight into fear. Big Fear. The next thing I knew I was sobbing, questioning why I’m on the planet in the 1st place and whether or not I can find the strength to keep going. Next I began to question why God is still punishing me. I’ve done everything, stepped up to every test. Will the tests never end? Within a few minutes I was in the darkest of places where I question my strength to keep on living. That got my attention and I knew I needed support.
It’s All About Faith
I called my Shaman and had a session the very next day. By then, I was calmer. But my world still seemed to be falling apart, yet again.
Her guidance was simple. She told me what I already knew, deep down inside, far beneath all my triggered reponses and fear. The naysayers and all the other supposed roadblocks were simply a test of my faith, in myself and in my path with purpose. The question was all about how I would respond. So far, I wasn’t exactly passing the test, now was I?
My Shaman gave me a very specific assignment - to write down all of the moments in my life when God (Source, the Universe) had sent angels to protect and save me, times when I knew that I was loved and in my faith.
I know it sounds strange, but simply hearing from someone else what I already knew - that this was a test of faith - was all I needed to pull myself out of the dark funk and back into the light. I wasn’t ready to race forward, but I was able to calm the scary voices and simply settle into my own energy.
In that settled place, I was finally able to see clearly. I was DOing it again - PUSHing forward, setting schedules, applying pressure, creating stress and proving myself to be yet again imperfect. None of which was supporting following my path with purpose. I’d fallen into my own repetitive pattern - forcing and worrying and fretting from my false self - instead of being in faith and listening to my own intuitive direction. Here we go again.
I Need a Sign
Isn’t it amazing how we can fall into the same darned pattern even when we are focused on changing that pattern? That’s the power of programming my friends. I started to beat myself up, then stopped and laughed instead. We are human!
Beyond all the scary voices was a very calm voice telling me to simply sit and be, to listen to my true voice and wait for guidance. Say what? I’ve been waiting for guidance for years now. I need a sign - and now! But no sign appeared.
I knew it was time to take a step back and simply breathe. I shut down my computer and moved all my ToDo’s for the next few days. I meditated, wrote in my Journal and generally let go of all the pressure for the rest of the day and the next morning. I began to write down all of the times God protected me; after the 1st page I was laughing because I was only to my 20s. So many demonstrations in my life. So many moments beyond magic. Yet I still wanted a sign about my specific purpose, some guidance at least. My brain, that pesky programmed part of me, needed facts to know that I was on the right path!
I Get What I Asked For
My gal pal and I went out riding the next afternoon. It was a glorious day I was so blessed to be out with my horses where I always find my truth. Friend Emily was riding Shadow, friend Cori was riding Olliver and leading Lucy, Mav and I were bringing up the rear. We meandered through the redwoods back and forth across the river, then began to lope up a wide trail that climbed one of the hills.
Suddenly the horses in front of me stopped. As Mav and I caught up, Lucy decided to double barrel him - right off the side of a cliff. It happened before I even knew it was coming. One minute we were loping on solid ground and the next minute - we were sliding full speed down a 35 degree slope, through downed trees, stumps, underbrush and big holes. Maverick was struggling to catch his balance. I knew that at any minute he could catch a branch, stump or hole and flip over on me, or he could break his leg or worse. We were sliding straight toward a 200+ foot ravine drop and certain death. He didn’t have a chance of stopping with me on his back - so I jumped. My feet hit the ground and then the redwood needles slipped and both feet went up as I fell onto my back and a log. OUCH. It took everything I had to sit up to check on Mav. He’d stopped about 2-3 feet before the big dropoff. Magically, miraculously he was safe.
In that moment - I knew I had my sign. The only reason we were both alive and pretty much unharmed was because of my Angels. What could’ve (and probably should’ve) been a disaster was transformed to a minor annoyance. I’m sore, the Mav has a few cuts and bumps - but overall we are both fine. Angels all around. Yep - I got my sign. Loud and Clear.
What if we are being tested?
So many people seem to be going through their own personal tests of faith these days. I hear stories on coaching calls, through social media friendships and in my own personal relationships. My own coaches and healers tell me their clients are experiencing their own tests.
Why the tough times? That seems to be the question everyone is asking.
I believe it’s because we are shifting, evolving as energetic beings, stepping further into our own limitless potential. The Age of Information is waning. The times when we relied on intellect, logic, data and facts to define our world are giving way. Simply look around and you’ll see these foundations falling away as people rise up to demand a more balanced way of life. Even in the US we can see foundations crumbling as big corporations are slowly being called on to step up to priorities beyond profits. The old way is failing all around - making way for a new more natural and spirit-based approach to life and living.
We’re moving into the Age of Intuition. It’s the time to step away from clinging to Do-ing and into a reliance on our Be-ing. We are energetic creators, capable of anything we can imagine. The problem is that we’ve all been programmed with fear to limit ourselves and our self-belief. It’s time to return to our powerful, amazing truth!
The tests we’re facing are all here to help us shift our programming. I don’t know about you -but all my tests are focused on ceasing to DO (pushing it through, running for perfection, making it happen) and learning to BE - in trust, in flow and in harmony.
The challenge is that’s not the way we’ve been programmed by society nor is this the way many live on our planet today. To learn to Be, we must step out of our thought-driving comfort zone and into trusting in our energetic selves. As easy as that may sound, it can be really hard when fear has us in its grip. Fear holds us in our past, in our lesser way of Doing. Yet we hang on so tightly.
We have a very simple choice.
We can step forward in faith, trusting that the tests will fall away and the way will be clear in the face of our faith.
Or we can hang onto the way we’ve always done it and continue to try and “do” our way out of the trials. I doubt that will work - it hasn’t worked for me for over thirty years now and trust me, I am world class Do-er. But it is one choice.
Today, as I write this - I’m more peaceful than I can remember being in decades. I’m pausing in my life to learn to still my mind, to listen to my intuition and to trust in my spirit self. There is no logic, no fact to prove my decision. And there is no plan for my future.
There is simply me, my faith and sweet sweet silence.
With a little help from some angels - I’m choosing to Be in Faith. The rest - well, that will come. When it’s time.
5 Comments
Reader Comments (5)
It is everywhere right now... tough times & we're all gathering to get through.
Yipes, Red...next time, go for a walk! HOLY MOLY as my wife would say.
HI Kate - you're right. It is all around. It's part of the shift in our planet's energy - and our own. Those of us who are "sensitives' are being tested and our energy evolved in preparation for the Age of Intuition. What a great opportunity to step into our true selves, release all the coping and rationalization programming we've been taught and prepare to soar.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
reb
HI Bruce
Thanks so much for the heartful comment - I can't begin to share what it means to have all your deep, soulful comments here on my posts....
reb
Your post is awesome and I can certainly relate to being in a time of transition. I would say I've experienced this a few times already in my life, and here I am again. Drawing on past victories is helpful, and knowing that we will get through ths again, with amazing results.
I have to say.. the loudest message I get from your post is this: When you know it's time to jump - JUMP! It's the jumping that will save you.