Your Soul in Charge

The authentic self is soul made visible.  ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach 

In my last post we chatted about our false selves, our egos and how they take control to limit our possibilities. If you missed that post, you can read it here.

Today, let’s focus on the flip side as we find our Personal Power through our Authentic Selves.

The Loss of Authenticity

Our authentic selves represent our truth, straight from our soul, spirit, Divine self or whatever you’d like to call the energy that is the essence of you. Our true selves live in the energetic systems in our bodies - not in our highly programmed brains. 

When we live in and respond as our authentic selves, we are empowered with limitless possibilities.

• We know that we were meant to become and do anything we imagined. 
• We know that everything happening in our lives is exactly as it should be.
• We open to new experiences - seeing change as an opportunity for expansion, difficulty as a chance for growth. 

When we live in our authentic selves, we know that we can and will Thrive!

We are born as our authentic selves, with all the knowing of our limitless power. We come into this world with clarity and capabilities that are given to us so that we can thrive in our lives. We aren’t meant to suffer, struggle, hate or fear. We are meant to be Unstoppable!

So what the hell happens?  Well, we get programmed. 

Look at any baby or young child and you’ll see the authentic truth. Curious, insatiable and fearless are a few words that come to mind. Unstoppable too. Kids don’t know they have limits - we teach them those limits. That’s how our false self gets its first foothold.

Then, we have more programming - from others in our world and from life’s events. As we learn more reasons to fear, more reasons to doubt ourselves, we move farther and farther away from our authentic truth.

I can’t help but wonder. If we didn’t get all the original fear programming as kids - the don’ts, musts, shoulds and more - how much more empowered would we be in life? If we were supported in our authenticity, would we live and act as the Divine creators we are, even as the world throws crazy events at us? I think we would.

Unfortunately, until we all learn to empower vs limit our kids - we’ll never know.  And so - we must recapture our authentic selves as adults.

Authentic Moments

We all have authentic moments. You know them well. The song on the radio that lifts your heart, the old movie that makes you warm all over, the simple pleasure of a beautiful sunset over the ocean that relaxes your entire being. Those are moments when you’re in your authentic self.

How do we know when we’re living in our authenticity? There are a few clues. Personally, I feel it in my heart as my energy lifts and I feel joyful and filled with eager anticipation. That’s my soul in charge. Here are some other hints for you:

• You feel yourself expanding, seeing life as bigger and brighter.
• You have a vision, an idea. Your excitement rises, your blood pressure too - you know you can do it!
• You’re open to new ideas and opportunities. Life is to be lived fully!
• You’re living and thriving in the present moment - not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.
• You’re voices are all about supporting and encouraging you - whatever you want to be.
• You’re ready, willing and even eager to try something new. There is no fail!
• You know that no matter what happens, life is moving forward exactly as it is meant to be. 
• You listen to your own inner wisdom, that voice that speaks softly and clearly. You listen and you trust that voice. Forget the loud scary voices - this one speaks with utter knowing. 

I’ve learned to recognize my own authentic self when it speaks to me. Among the noise of my scary voices - it speaks clearly and calmly. My true voice encourages me to be all that I can be, supports me in attempting new and exciting things and most of all - it lifts my heart with joy and excitement. 

We can also identify our authentic self by the way we feel. We are energetic beings and our energy lives in our bodies. That means our feelings are the messengers from our energetic self. For me - the feelinge between the two extremes are really disctinct. They probably will be for you, too. For example:

• My authentic self lifts me up ‘til I feel I can do anything. My ego makes me feel heavy and drags me down.
• My authentic self gives me limitless energy to fuel my passion. My ego makes me feel so exhausted I don’t want to do anything but dissociate and avoid life.
• My authentic self comes with big smiles and joy. My ego comes with frown lines and a feeling of failure  - forever after.

Can we Reclaim Our Authenticity? 

You bet!  It takes a bit of focus and practice - but we surely can. After all - our authentic self is our truth! 

Our truth lives in our energy and our energy speaks through our bodies and our emotions. Our brains only tell us what we’re programmed to believe. We are so much more than that! 

In my post, Sensational You, I shared an exercise for feeling into our bodies - into our sensations. That’s one of the keys to finding, and remaining in, our authentic selves. Listening to our bodies - not our programmed brains.

I also just posted a new page here - with four recorded meditations that I find to be powerful in helping me find, and stay in, my authentic self.   

Whenever I feel the first flinch of my ego self - the beginnings of the fear, doubts, scary voices and more - I do one of these exercises. As I slow myself down and move out of my brain - deep within my body and energetic self, I find my authentic truth. It’s right there, sitting on the other side of my scary voices, waiting patiently for me to move beyond the programming in my head, to simply listen and feel into my true energetic self, where all of my power lives.

You can find your way to your authentic self and to all the power it brings. We all can. Try the meditations for a week. Learn to listen to your sensations and emotions for your truth.  

You can and will begin to leave your fearful brain and those scary voices behind…forever. 

The Truth About Ego

All troubles come to an end when the ego dies. - Ramakrishna

Some readers have asked for more definition around false versus authentic self. So - here goes!

Our authentic selves represent our truth, straight from our soul, spirit, self - whatever you’d like to call it.

When we live in our authentic selves we are empowered with clarity about ourselves and what is rightfully ours.

• We know that we were meant to be and do anything we can imagine. 
• We know that everything happening in our lives is exactly as it should be.
• We open to new potentials and possibilities - seeing change as an opportunity for expansion, difficulty as a chance for growth. 

When we live in our authentic selves, we know that we can and will Thrive!

Our false selves are fueled by our life’s programming and the egos we develop to manage that programming along the way. Our ego doesn’t want us to be powerful. In fact - ego wants us to be anything but. Our false selves, aka ego, wants to limit us, to set us up with an “us vs them” mentality. Ego will use any and every weapon at its disposal to get us to constrict. My ego used every negative energy or memory it could find to draw me back into my place of powerlessness. 

I call my ego Scary Voices. We all have them. They just plain suck the life that you are meant to live right out of you. I fought them for decades - never realizing they were false. Heck, I thought they were accurate beyond words for almost 50 years! Mine went something along these lines… 

• Who says you can do that? Are you nuts? You don’t have that kind of talent, skill, potential (fill in the blank).  You’ll make a fool of yourself (and then you’ll be punished.) 
• You’ll never be able to have that dream. You don’t deserve that. Time to settle for something much less - something that fits you. (You’re worthless after all.) 
• If you do that you’ll fail and the world will see what a phony you are… (and then you’ll die.) 

The list goes on and on….

Ego Fights Dirty

The reality is that ego will do anything, say anything, try anything to stay in control of your life. That’s how programming works, especially if there is any form of trauma associated with the development of ego. It doesn’t have to be big trauma. Something as simple as mom, saying we are klutz when we knock over the display in the grocery story, can fuel ego for our lifetime. The voice from that simple event goes something like this… You’re clumsy. Why would you think you can dance, play sports or anything else that needs coordination? Sit down and accept who you are…a klutz! 

What a crock! As I think about all the years I allowed myself to be limited by my scary voices I want to scream. What a waste and what a joke! We are all designed to be powerful creators, not limited fearful beings. Such is the power of Ego to mess with our destinies… 

Yet we all have these experiences and voices, buried in our subconscious minds and our body’s energy systems. That’s why ego is such a dangerous aspect of our identify. It’s also why finding and listening to our authentic selves is so important as a key step to thriving on the other side.   

I think one challenge is that it’s never been harder to live as our authentic selves as it is today. 

Ego is Running Strong

Today’s world fuels the opportunity for our false selves, aka our egos, to thrive.  

Watch or read the news. You’ll have a hard time finding an authentic message in the midst of all the Eyore sensationalism. The fear created by our media serves to feed the false self and our ego - and boy are we fed these days. When we are in fear, even a little flinch, we are living in our false selves, and our ego is soaring. That’s one of the reasons so many of us have stopped watching the news - it simply feels false, makes us feel worse about ourselves and is manipulating us to be less than we are destined to be. Our authentic self is guiding us to look the other way…and so, we do. 

But the news and focus on sensationalism in our world is only part of the fuel for false selves. I believe our digitally connected yet impersonal world is an even bigger culprit. Thanks to the web, we are even more susceptible to the lure of external validation. Why do I say that?

Part of our false selves’ game is to get us to look outside ourselves for validation, to convince us that we are not enough standing on our own. That’s fueled by our ego’s need for appreciation and recognition outside ourselves. Unfortunately, that’s one of the big reasons we have these subconscious addictive hooks when it comes to social media. Before we know it - we’re addicted to reaching for our juice, our approval, self worth and validation from outside ourselves - out there in that stream, page, post or Tribe. 

It’s especially easy for ego to win when we get caught in the process of external validation. When we look beyond ourselves for joy, love, appreciation, definition and more - we’re living in and responding as our false selves.  

I seem to be having more and more private conversations about false self behaviors on social media. So many people are seeking popularity and recognition in social media audiences. They are caught up in the spiral of ego -  running faster and faster to post the right things, wax philosophical and mirror those whom they would become. I feel so sad when I see this. Especially when I see someone changing in front of my eyes; from their authentic beautiful self into their ego driven personality - simply because they were fueled by the flattery of social media gooroodom. Add to that the ever present addictive drive to be connected - texting, on the cell, checking messages, spending hours on social media waiting to be engaged.

In a world that’s more and more externally focused - how can we ever find and rest in our true authentic self? 

How do we Catch our Egos? 

Ego is so subtle, so sneaky and knows us so well - sometimes it hard to catch youself. My false voices of insecurity and powerlessness were so engrained I thought they were normal. Ego is sneaky too - it uses what it knows, deep inside of you, against you.  

That said, I now understand that there is a feeling that come with my false self. An energy that drops instead of lifting, a dread instead of an eagerness, a panic instead of a passion. Anytime I catch myself feeling or doing anything related to the following - I’m probably being run by ego. 

• Judging others
• Using the word “should” (which IMHO can leave the language forever)
• Seeking external approval
• Scary voices running as a continuous tape
• Feeling defensive
• Hanging onto the way I’ve always done it or thought about it (Ego loves the status quo)
• Frozen, unable to do anything positive
• Critical self talk
• Feeling afraid or threatened (but not if someone is endangering me:)) 

You get the gist…   

We all are programmed with our false selves voices. That’s an even bigger problem in today’s world, which plays so heavily into that programming. 

How to find our Truth 

When we follow our truth, our authentic spirit’s voice - ego loses it’s power. That’s when we begin to Thrive through whatever life throws at us.

For me it was easier to notice the false voices first, so I tuned into my programmed false self. I consciously paid attention to my mind chatter for a day, and then another day and…. 

If you’d like to try it for yourself, here’s how I focus in. 

• Pay attention to your thoughts as you go through your day. No judgement about anything, simply pay attention.  

• When you catch a scary voice speaking to you, just notice it. Write it down if you can. Then - simply shift back to a positive statement about the same topic. For example, here’s one from my own personal file.  “Who do you think you are to create a non profit for trauma? You’re not skilled enough to do that.”  Now that’s a scary voice. Whenever I hear it - I repeat to myself, “I am following my path with purpose, following my heart and knowing. The Universe will provide all that I need to create this path. I step forward in faith- in myself and in my creative powers, given to me by God.”  It also helps to Pivot to a power place…. 

• Begin to notice the threads of scary voices. Where do they focus? What buttons are they pushing? Don’t try to change anything, simply notice.

Start a list of wwhat you hear when you catch yourself.  No judgement, just write it down and put it away.  At the end of the day, or a few days  - you probably won’t have to look at your list. You’ll know exactly what your ego’s key themes are.  Once you understand them - the trick is to pivot to your authentic self. I’ll post about that on Thursday…so stay tuned. 

Until then, get to know your ego. 

________________________

A reader mentioned that she’d like to send me private comments, or comment anonymously here. I understand how sensitive some subjects are for many of us…so please feel free to click the Contact button and email me privately. 

Until Thursday… Thrive On! 

Sensational YOU

Faith is an oasis in the heart which will never be reached by the caravan of thinking. ~ Khalil Gibran

For the past two weeks I’ve been listening to the voices that run through my brain at warp speed. 

I’ve never heard so much rubbish in my life. 

Our minds are where our programming lives. The voices in our brains are speaking from our false self - the self created by all that programming. That false self represents our ego and all of its knowns and rules created through this lifetime to supposedly protect us. In reality, our false self is fear-based, limiting and controlling. Instead of protecting us - it blocks us from our deepest, oldest truths.  

Our truth, the deep emotional resonance that is the essence of who and what we are, lives in the energy fields within and around our bodies. Past civilizations understood the power of our energetic selves. But in our modern world - especially in the age of information - we’ve drifted away from our this oh so important part of self. 

Living in our brains, we forget our true selves. Thanks to society’s programming we instead become limited, fear-based beings. If you want to truly experience just how limiting those false voices are - try this. 

Pay attention to the dialogue running in your head for 24 hours. No judgement - just notice. 

Our Authentic Selves

Our authentic selves live in our bodies. Our truth speaks to us from our bodies - in the form of sensation and emotion. When we listen.

Thanks to our light-speed society and the information age, we’re losing the ability to feel our way through our lives. It’s hard to be in the moment when you’re running so fast, juggling so many balls that you don’t even notice where you are at any given moment. We’ve forgotten how to slow down, go into our bodies and listen. 

Yes, I meditate and clear energy in my chakras and systems.  For decades I’ve thought that was what energy was all about. Clearing my stuff and refreshing myself with pure source energy.

But then I learned an important lesson.  In my focus on clearing and releasing those unpleasant feelings, I’ve shut down some very important messages from my authentic self.

The Sensational Truth

For the past 2 weeks, I’ve been quieting the scary voices in my brain and diving deeper and deeper into the intelligence in my body’s sensations. Instead of pushing those sensations away, clearing the unpleasant energy, I’ve embraced it. I’ve been listening to what those sensations say to me, savoring their messages and teachings, allowing my authentic self to take the lead in my life. 

What an awakening!  Here’s what I learned. I bet it applies to all of us in some form or another. 

My brain spends an inordinate amount of time telling me why I can’t.  Doesn’t matter what I want to do - I can’t. These ‘truths” are imprints that recreate the powerlessness I felt as a child - and then recreated through my entire life - thanks to my false self. Their sole purpose is to remind me that I cannot be perfect and so I must be punished by having the rug pulled out from under me, over and over again. That false self was so powerful it became my self-fulfilling prophecy for almost 50 years.  

My body holds my truth. The fear and flinch and just plain terror was still there. I’ve been sinking into that feeling, the stabbing sensation in my chest and the pit of my stomach, the clinching in my throat. It wasn’t easy to stay there - everything about me wanted me to avoid fully feeling those sensations.  But I did. I stayed with the sensations as the pictures changed and morphed, from my childhood to adult betrayals and painful experiences. And then - the sensations transformed. From tightness and contraction into the most amazing opening and flow - like coming out of a tight dark cave and into the fullness of a sunrise.

Beneath all the stored emotional memory and sensations, deep in body, I found the most amazing limitless, unquenchable knowing.

I am a powerful energetic being. I always have been, and always will be. Everything in my life has happened for a reason. In fact, every event in my life has been a building block to this very moment - my moment of Purpose. 

That knowing grows stronger every day. Sure, those false scary voices keep knocking on the door, pesky little things that they are. But every time I hear them - I go back into my body, sink deeply into my energetic home vibration (my true self), and I know my truth.

All is well. All is exactly as it was meant to be. I am finally in my truth. The rest of my life, well, the rest is and will be magical. 

Sensational YOU

We are all magical beings - powerful beyond words or measure. The problem is society programs us to forget our sensational selves by the time we’re young children. Our modern world leads us further into our heads and away from our sensational truth. We become programmed tiny facsimiles of our true selves - limited by fear and the knowns of this world. 

We can all find our authentic place. When we decide to feel our energetic truth instead of think from ego, to listen and allow our natural flow instead of forcing and pushing through. 

Here’s a little meditation to bring your into your sensational self. 

Pick a topic or situation that brings up your false self. You’ll find it hanging around thoughts related to anger, jealousy, sadness, regret or fear to name a few.

Focus on that false voice. Sink into your body and feel where it takes you. Don’t judge what’s happening. Simply follow the feeling and sink into the sensations. 

If your sensations move from place to place in your body - follow them. Notice and allow. 

Now, listen and allow whatever happens or comes to you. Feel the emotions associated with the sensation. Explore it all, every aspect of the sensation and feeling. Stay out of your brain. Don’t try to name, analyze or engage your mind at all. Simply breathe into your body and feel.

Listen for the message from that sensation. Feel your way through it, allow it to fully come into your awareness and then - be quiet. What is your body saying to you? What is the lesson from your true self? *

I do the above exercise throughout my day. Whenever I catch myself in my brain with all of its false and scary voices, I consciously shift - from that voice in my head to the truth in my body. It takes a bit of practice and focus - our ego-centric brains do not like to lose control. 

But on the other side of our false programming - we can and will find our sensational truths. 

I’d love to hear what you discover about the sensational you!!  Please share with us!!!!   

_____

* I’ve used similar meditations through the years. This specific one is so powerful - because it keeps us in our bodies. Thanks to Kathy Pike for sharing this approach through her Mind Body Method! 

Finding Our Power

Part 2 of my blog, The Gift of Equus. Today, my gift from Sylvie. 

Sylvie is a 3/4 Clydesdale mare who is a blessed member of Kathy Pike’s herd. She first spoke to me when we went to meet the herd, just after Moon welcomed me. Her first conncetion to me was as she stuck her head defiantly beneath her pipe corral, extending her lips as far as she could, and then a bit more, to reach for a fresh blade of grass. As she chomped it, she cocked one eye at me and said, “I’m Unstoppable too!” WOW. 

When I met Sylvie for our round pen session, my desire was clear and sure. Moon had already taught me the lesson of my empathic self. I asked Sylvie to help me step fully into that power, and into my path with purpose, which had been slowly taking form over the last month or so.

As I entered the pen, her big doe eyes were already on me. She was standing right next to the gate so I didn’t need to move far. In the depths of her eyes I saw wisdom and solace, and something more, a knowing that went right into my heart and settled there. As I reached out to touch her, I felt the most peaceful flow of energy embrace me. 

Memories of my childhood horses, their unconditional love and just plain magic, flooded over me. I couldn’t help but smile. As my fingers brushed her head and neck, smoothed her mane, I could feel the love and adoration of my childhood friends well up around me. For those precious moments, I was back with them, surrounded by their loving energy. I was safe. 

I asked Sylvie my question about my future. “Am I really meant to do this work, coaching kids and adults?” She licked and chewed as she affirmed the answer. Yes, I was on my path of purpose.  Yes, I did indeed have the power, the fortitude to do the work I so wanted to do. There was something more, something just behind the veil that I hadn’t discovered yet, couldn’t quite feel, yet.

Sylvie and I spent more magical time together. The entire time I was in the round pen with her, I once again experienced my little girl in an oh-so-different way. I felt safety and peace in the presence of Sylvie. And an oh-so-strong knowing that all is well in my world. I haven’t felt that peaceful in decades. 

Reality Strikes 

As I left the round pen, I was glowing. We began the debrief and as some negative comments and emotions were shared, I felt myself rise up in my own defense. How could anyone not see the magic I’d just experienced?  I buried the feelings and held myself in check. In truth, I stuffed the feeling of being judged and ignored them. But I could still feel that fear of being imperfect rising within me, all around me.

A bit later we were having a discussion on another topic. I made a simple comment from my heart. As I listened to the response from one of the instructors, I felt that judgement trigger rise again - full force this time.

I started to rise up, did emote a bit, but then went into control mode and shut my mouth and my energy. Pulled back. I won’t bore you with the details but the result was that I ended up feeling attacked, hurt and judged. That feeling has been with me for my entire life. Why wouldn’t it be?  Every moment of my childhood was judged by my torturers. If they found even the slightest imperfection, I ended up in that cellar fighting for my life. A survival level trauma trigger was formed - and I carried it into my adult life.

Kathy, and some other friends, helped me feel my way into my vulnerability and the trigger that lived there, so powerful and just below the surface of my conscious or subconscious mind. Such is the manner of trauma energy that lives in our bodies. 

Sylvie’s Gift

Vulnerability has never been my strong suit. I can be vulnerable with close friends and people I trust, although I tend to get hurt feelings more often than not. I’m anything but comfortable being vulnerable in the world. I thought part of that was due to my childhood, part due to working in the technology market, where vulnerability is a hole that can and will be used against you. 

The truth is that I lived my childhood always in fear that I was one step away from death. I was powerless to change that, so I came to equate vulnerability with survival. That imprint evolved to become one of my biggest trauma energy stores with a hair-trigger response mechanism. I’ve always been so driven to be perfect (it’s the only way I knew to survive) that I have difficulty accepting criticism. If I set myself up in a safe space, all goes well. But if the comments come at me randomly - I trigger.  In my younger years the results were pretty significant anger, delivered by a personality I now lovingly call Robobabe. As I’ve moved through therapy, the reactions lessened and Robobabe came to sit by me in my mind’s eye as I fed her fresh meat:)  But even though I tamed Robobabe, I still didn’t heal those triggers. They were there, in my body, waiting for the need to defend me from the threat of death.

Kathy said something to me that day that brought everything font and center. She wisely suggested I reach deep into my vulnerability I’d found with Slyvie, beyond the fear, and explore what I would find there. 

I did just that when I got home that evening, and during the next day and the trip home. By the time I landed back in California, I knew the truth.

Within my vulnerability, I found my true power. 

How crazy that would have sounded even 2 weeks ago. I’m a fighter, after all, a feisty one at that.  

Yet within my vulnerability, I found the strength to stand on my own, to know my truth, my path and my power. More importantly, I learned the most valuable lesson of all.

No one can take away my truth, my path or my power. People can say what they want, think what they want, do what they want. They cannot harm me, ever again. I am no longer powerless.

As I opened to that awareness, my body and feelings become oh so acute. I could literally feel the pressure of the years of terror, feel the energy trapped in my body from decades of striving for perfection. When I got home I called my EMDR therapist and we did a session this week - a blessed amazing session when I finally released an enormous amount of the terror energy still stored in my body. That was a trip…but that’s another post….

Today, as I write this, the terror-driven trigger is gone, as is the survival level need for me to be perfect. They may arise again, but now that I know the truth, fully in my body and energetic feel, I will not allow them to run my life. I know that, peacefully, blessedly.

On the other side - I stand gently, easily, gratefully - in my vulnerability. 

Sylvie and Kathy helped me learn one of the single most important lessons of my adult life.  

Beyond our deepest fear, on the other side of our flinch - we will find our true power.

Have you found your power on the other side? Maybe you’re stuck in a fear like I was, still searching for the other side.  I’d love to hear your stories… Together, we can find our truth and thrive! 

________

My week at Coaching with Horses changed my life, dramatically and forever after. I’ve spent the last week healing even as I began my journey forward on my new path - toward my Divine purpose. I stepped into my destiny, thanks to some oh-so-perfect lessons and openings, brought to me at the oh-so-perfect-time, thanks to the gift of Equus.

I’m about to shift everything about my life following this week, the culmination of a transformation that still boggles my brain. I’ll share more about that in the weeks to come.

I am blessed. 

Photo courtesy of Tanya Niermans

Our Dance with Equus

“The language of our emotion is the language of equus.” ~ Kathy Pike 

I have no doubt that horses were powerful angels standing by me as a child. For most of my life, horses have been there to gently, heartfully, amazingly love me through it all. 

Yet I only recently came to appreciate the full power of equus, thanks to my time spent with Kathy Pike.*

Energy all Around

Horses are energetic beings, free of judgement and emotional programming. They rely on pure instinctual wisdom, responding to their world based on the energy they sense all around them. 

Humans mostly live in our heads. We’re trained that way. As babies, we’re in our bodies and emotions, but it doesn’t take long for society to program us with shoulds and musts and fears. This creates an incongruence between our energetic truth and our emotional vibration.

Trauma creates even more incongruence - and we all have trauma of one form or another. The energetic incongruities we create over our lifetime are held in our physical bodies, not just in our conscious and subconscious mind. Until we release those physical, energetic impressions - we will remain in imbalanced vibrations with all our negative programming. This is what many call our false self.  

Enter Equus 

Horses live on an acoustical, energetic level, sensing vibrational waves and responding in authenticity based on their instincts. When they are with humans, horses sense the energetic frequencies - what we we call emotions - through our physical bodies. They respond to our frequencies/emotions based on our congruence, or lack of, with our true self.

•  If we’re feeling an emotion based on our scary voices, horses will shy away from us. You would too. They feel our incongruence as contracted energy - nasty stuff. They’ll send messages to us lighting up the incongruence, but they won’t dance with us. Until we begin to shift back into congruence.  

•  When we’re feeling an emotion in an authentic way, when we’re congruent with our truth, horses share wisdom, offer support and send us powerful knowing. In our congruence, we’re much more open and able to accept their wisdom. 

And so goes our dance with Equus.

Flying with Moon

Coaching with horses is all about dropping deeply into our bodies, living in the energetic sensations that are stored there.  We learn to settle into and fully feel the energy in our bodies - the energy of pure emotion. In this manner, horses teach us to flow and reside in our authentic selves, stepping beyond the false programming that is part and parcel of our society.  

When we went out to meet the herd, Moon spoke to me immediately, welcoming me to the ranch. My horses have always spoken to me so I wasn’t as much surprised by his message as I was attracted to the energy behind it - total Zen Master. 

When my time came to spend time with Moon as part of a round pen session - I knew something special was about to happen. I simply had no idea how special. 

Since I’d arrived at the class two days earlier, my gut had been screaming at me. Nausea, twisting pain and just plain ugly energy was firing all the time. No matter what technique I used to clear this energy in the evening - it came right back the next morning as I was driving to the class, feeling even stronger throughout the days.  

As I began my session with Moon, my gut was firing on full blast. Kathy guided me through the Mind Body Method*, opening myself to the feelings in my body and the emotions they were expressing. I felt my way into my body and could feel the fear and anxiety throbbing in my gut. Can I really step onto my path with purpose, shift into helping others with trauma, especially kids? Am I healed enough to do this work or am I kidding myself? My heartfelt desire was for Moon to give me a sense of the true answer to that question.

Moon stood on the far side of the round pen, gazing at the Colorado mountains in the distance. I moved slowly to stand next to him.  I could feel his energy all around me, loving, kind, stable. Yep, Zen Master.

Moon cocked his eye to look at me, then studiously moved to the other side of me. I reached out to touch his wither and he moved away - just a bit to let me know not to do that. And so we stood, side by side in companionable space. Then the voice spoke softly, “You can stand on your own.”  A wave of energy washed over me. I felt my whole body vibrate in resonance with this truth. I can shift my life. I am meant to do this work. It is my purpose on this planet. I still know that truth today. 

I remained with Moon for a bit, enjoying that peaceful place of knowing. I could, and did, stand on my own. For the first time in my life while standing with a horse, I didn’t have the irresistible urge to stroke Moon, to take his energetic flow as my own. I stood in my own clear energy. 

Back on Earth

The feeling in my gut was gone in the round pen. But not long after I left the pen to rejoin the group and debrief, I felt it begin to rise again. Kathy suggested I simply stay with the feeling, not try to decipher it. The key was to feel the pain in my body, feel the emotion that pain is expressing and listen for its message.

I did just that for the rest of the day - even as my gut just plain hurt. I admit it - I was bummed. In my false self I saw that pain as my own failure to step into the beautiful space of self-confidence Moon had offered me. 

I was driving along later that night still attempting to release my gut pain. Nothing worked. So,  I decided to go back into feeling it, sitting with it, listening to it. 

After I settled into my body, allowing the burn and churn, Moon’s voice spoke again, softly yet firmly. “You can stand on your own!”  I followed that voice, felt into my body and then - the knowing came. A knowing as clear as any message I’ve ever received, ever. 

The pain in my gut wasn’t my energy. It was the fear and anxiety of every other person in the class, every person I’d been in contact with for who knows how long.

Moon helped me feel my way back to a truth I’ve known since I was a little child, a truth long forgotten.

I am an intuitive empath, a high sensitive walking in a world of energy. For all my life my healers and coaches have told me this, but I never felt it.  I honestly thought they were just trying to boost me up. I simply could not see or feel it. 

In my authentic self, standing next to Moon, I found my biggest truth ever.

I am an empath. WOW. And DUH.

My Gift from Moon

Moon gave me one of the biggest gifts ever in my spiritual journey. He explained my past, my present and my future in one simple statement. You can stand on your own.

Yes, I can stand on my own and move forward into my path with purpose. I’m ready to create the life of my dreams; a foundation dedicated to healing trauma in kids, veterans and people in general. The rest of my life will focus on sharing the gifts of my own healing with all of those who so need and deserve their truth. 

But more importantly, I now understand that I can, and must, stand on my own energetically. The beliefs that drove me to take care of others, to tap into and take on their pain and anguish - that’s all false programming. There will be no more constant sickness and exhaustion. In my own energy, I will stand in peace - and I will coach others to find their own place of truth.

I am blessed, beyond words. 

Later this week I’ll share about my even more amazing dance (can you believe it?) with Sylvie… a 3/4 Clydesdale mare with the eyes of love. 

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* Kathy Pike is the Founder of the Mind Body Method (MBM) and Coaching with Horses, published author, coach trainer, leader in the field of Equine Facilitated Learning, and life coach, Kathy brings over 15 years experience in the field of human development and personal growth. 

Her compassionate, intuitive, and cutting edge approach in working with individuals provides her clients access to their deepest level of truth, power, and ability to live with purpose and passion.  Kathy’s Mind Body Method integrates all of the information and knowledge within a persons experience bringing clarity and immediate results.

I can personally attest to the power of Kathy’s teachings. I was so blessed during the Level One coaching with Kathy. It wasn’t always easy - I wanted to release and move beyond those feelings, not focus on them. But the teachings she finally got through to me are some of the most valuable and powerful I’ve learned along my journey to the Other Side. 

I’m going back to see Kathy in September to learn even more as a Level Two equine-facilitated coach. I can hardly wait for that learning and opening.  In the meantime, I’m so looking forward to sharing my new coaching skills with my friends, clients and my own self.